Welcome to my work in progress. A little rough around the edges, but hopefully will educate as well as provide some relief for those also going through the craziness of daily life with Autism. Hope you enjoy it :o)

Friday, December 28, 2012


This post probably isn't about Autism at all. If it is, it'll be a tiny bit. Maybe.

Why are relationships so difficult?

Do we make them that way, or is it just natural?

I think our past dating experiences sometimes make it difficult to be completely open with someone new. For me it does. I'm so nervous about saying the wrong thing, dressing the wrong way, watching the wrong shows.....etc.

I've had a couple major past relationships. In both of them I didn't feel like I could 100% be myself. I always felt like I had to act a certain way, or dress a certain way to please them, not me.

I'm currently in a relationship that I should be 100% happy in because I *don't feel that way. Yet somehow I keep trying to subconciously sabotage it. Like I'm expecting it to fail, because my past ones did. Stupid, huh?

I also grew up lying about stuff to anyone and everyone. Little things. I've even found myself hiding stuff recently, because I'm afraid of how someone will react. Hello, 37 yr old, we're not in High School anymore. Man up.

It's frustrating me, and it's frustrating him. It's like I say stuff to try and start a fight, but I don't really WANT a fight, yet I say it anyways.

I've never had someone care for me this much. It's scary, to be honest. But at the same time, it's awesome. I need to let go and let things happen.

I'm asking this of my friends: Help keep me accountable. It's a bad habit that I'm trying to break. If I can be open and let my guard down and know that I'm worth it, it'll be good for everyone involved. Thank you

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Friday Five

I have no lead in to this. I'm crabby, on the rag, tired, and start a new quarter of school tomorrow.


1. What do you give teachers for gifts?

I think the last time I gave teachers gifts was.....2 yrs ago?? Yeesh. I suck at teacher gifts. I give bookstore gift cards.

2. Do you text? One finger texter or total pro?

Pro. Once I started getting phones with a full keyboard, I blew everyone out of the water. My boyfriend is impressed. It kills me to watch him text. He's not a one finger, but he's slow. Sorry, babe ;-) Heh.

3. Do you give back during the holidays? If so, in what way/which is your favorite charity?

I barely even have enough for myself, much less others. BUT, I always make sure that my kids put change into the red buckets when we walk by them.

4. If you would've been the sole winner of the 575+ million dollar Powerball jackpot, what would you have done with all that money?

Hoo boy. Well, for starters, a house. A ginormous six bedroom house. One for me, one for each kid, a scrapbook room, a game room, a baseball room, a girly room, and a sensory room. Okay, I guess that's nine. Whatever. A van. Loaded with everything. Twins season tickets. GOOD seats. A new laptop. Clothes. Stuff like that. I'd also take friends and family shopping. Donate a ton to Autism.

5. Will you please take just a moment to spread the word and pray about my friend's missing family members? There still is no news, and I can't imagine their pain and worry. Facebook prayer page: Prayers for Trista, Shy and Matt

I'll do what I can!

Friday, October 26, 2012

Friday Five

This 5 Question Friday post is brought to you by

1. Who wakes up in the morning with the kids, you or hubby?

Well, when my kids lived with me, I did. Now, the controlling POS has them more than I do, so they sleep there. It SUCKS. But someday it'll get better.

2. Do you watch the World Series even if your team isn't in it?

YES. I live, breathe, eat, and sleep baseball from April to October. The Twins pretty much suck lately, but baseball is baseball. Giants or Tigers, I don't care. SO glad the Yankees didn't make it though!!

3. What is the best compliment you have received?

Everyone tells me that I have a nice smile. I do, but it makes my eyes wrinkly. I hate that. Heh. I like being told that I continue to be strong even after everything I've been going through.

4. Do/did you dress up to take your kids trick or treating?

No. I have never figured out what to be. Besides, I get so hot and sweaty that I'd just be peeling off layers.

5. Do you have a favorite bible verse? What is it and why?

Jeremiah 29:11. My brother read it at their wedding, and it helps me remember to stay focused on God through all the crap I'm going through.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

FINALLY. A night with the minions.

They were overjoyed when I picked them up. (So was I.) LOTS of hugging and kisses and screams :-) We hit the mall first, and I had Nick and Emily think about whether they wanted to go to Youth Group or not.

Hi Dora!

Emily is giving Dora an uppercut to the chin.

Mmmmm...onion rings at Burger King.

I'm the Cat in the Hat!!

Adjusting his crown.

King Jacob.


In a tunnel in the Disney Store.

He is hilarious. He was up there touching the tv, so I dragged him back and said he needed to sit in a chair to watch the show. What did he do? Scooted the chair up to the tv, without even getting up. Turkey.

And this is when I decided he should move back. Again.

After the Mall we dropped off the bigs at church. Nicholas was actually a little hesitant about it, while Emily was excited. Total opposite of what I figured. Jakey and I headed to Toys R Us and then Target, where we had a snack.

"I'm far away from you, Mom!"


And before you get on my case about having two other children to take pics of, let me remind you that this one has no idea what's going on. He's my Bubby. I'll get pics of the other two tomorrow. We'll be coming back here to hang out, and I'm sure that Emily will not put Ace down once he lets her hold him :o)

Sunday, September 9, 2012

5 QF

brought to you by

1. What is your favorite fall family tradition?

Going to pumpkin/apple places, and out for Halloween

2. If money weren't an issue, how many kids would you have?

Probably just the three. It's more of a sanity/autism/my tubes are tied issue....

3. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be and where would you put it?

I have two already, but the next one is going to have my kids' names in it somehow.

4. What condiment is a must in your house?

Ketchup. And ranch dressing.

5. How did your spouse/fiance propose?

He didn't. I got pregnant, and then we did the whole "maybe we should get married."

We're now divorced with 3 kids, and he won't let me see them. Don't do what I did. Not worth it.

Sunday, August 19, 2012


It's official. It's now been 3 weeks since I have seen, talked to, and squished my baby boy.

I feel so stuck on where to go and what to do next. I'm going downtown on Monday to try and figure SOMETHING out. This is crazy. There is no way I would ever keep the kids from seeing their dad, no matter what my feelings were towards him.

I know it might seem like I'm doing nothing, but between work and not knowing what to do, honestly some days I can't even think about it. It drains me. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I miss my baby. The only one that looks remotely like me, because of the brown eyes.

Someday we'll get this figured out, Bubby, and neither of us will feel so alone <3


I wanted you more
than you ever will know
so I sent love to follow
wherever you go

It's high as you wish it.
It's quick as an elf.
You'll never outgrow it...
it stretches itself!

So climb any mountain...
climb up to the sky!
My love will find you.
My love can fly!

Make a big splash!
Go out on a limb!
My love will find you.
My love can swim!

It never gets lost,
never fades, never ends.
If you're working, or playing
or sitting with friends.

You can dance 'til you're dizzy
paint 'til you're blue.
There's no place, not one,
that my love can't find you.

And if someday you're lonely,
or someday you're sad,
or you strike out at baseball,
or think you've been bad...

Just lift up your face,
feel the wind in your hair.
That's me, my sweet baby,
my love is right there.

In the green of the grass...
in the smell of the sea...
in the clouds floating by...
at the top of a tree...

in the sound crickets make
at the end of the day...
"You are loved. You are loved.
You are loved," they all say.

My love is so high,

and so wide and so deep,
it's always right there,
even when you're asleep.

So hold your head high
and don't be afraid
to march to the front
of your own parade.

If you're still my small babe
or you're all the way grown,
my promise to you is
you're never alone.

You are my angel, my darling, my star...
and my love will find you, wherever you are.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Garlic Chicken Roll Ups

SO delicious. I'm always wary of trying something new, but these were worth it.

First, pound your chicken flat. (That was fun. Good anger release. Pretend it's the face of someone you dislike.) I covered it with wax paper after it started spattering my Valencia tshirt.

Then, dip one side in melted butter, and then in bread crumbs mixed with parmesan cheese.

Lay the bread crumb side face down on a greased pan, and smear garlic cream cheese on it.

Roll up the chicken boob and secure it with a toothpick.

Bake at 350 for 40 minutes. Yum.

Devour. And have some fresh raw veggies from your mom's garden.

And then when you're done, go get a Reece's Flurry from McDonald's. Because obviously you're a piggie. [oink oink]

Monday, July 23, 2012

Jacob stuff

Apparently I have a lot of posts in draft mode, and found this one of Jacob pics. My sweet boy. Don't let Autism fool you. He's one of the most affectionate kids I've ever met. Love it. 

Friday, July 13, 2012

Five Q Friday

1. What's your view on men wearing sandals (yay or nay)?

Flip flops: yes

Sandals: depends on what kind they are, and what else he's wearing. NO SOCKS THOUGH. Tevas are cool. And Doc Martens.

2. What song do you love but are embarrassed to admit?

Music Sounds Better With You by Big Time Rush. Yes, I like boy bands. I'm 36yrs old. Step off.

3. What summer camp should they make for moms?

Camp LetMeSleepInJustOnce

4. What is the most romantic song? (Not necessarily your favorite or your wedding song...)

I Melt by Rascal Flatts. I love them.

5. Do you have an embarrassing pregnancy story?

No. My pregnancies were so boring.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Freakishly hot day at the zoo

I am so glad my brother works there. We get in for free, and ride the monorail for free! Although, we're not allowed to sit in the "quiet car"...I can't imagine why.

I told the kids to bring their suits, knowing that the fountains would be up and running, and that we'd be going to the pool when we were done. Not only did their Sperm Donor NOT send Jacob's suit along, but he locked the door when Nick and Emily tried to go back to get it. We're all about the maturity.

Then I'm thinking, "Well, Jake never gets wet anyway, so he'll be fine."

Thank you for making me look like a fool, Bubby.

That was on our way through the dinosaur thing, which, to be honest, was kinda lame. (and it costs extra. because the arm and leg the zoo normally charges isn't enough??) ahem. sorry. moving on.....


The shirt had to come off because it was wet.



Sweaty Bubby...



Through Jacob's eyes:


Water play!!!! Nicholas didn't want to get wet, I was pretty surprised.

That was a fun day. It was hot, but they're already asking when we can go back.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Five Question Friday

These questions courtesy of

1. Is love at 1st sight possible?

No. Love grows. I imagine for some people it's not as long as others, but you have to get to know someone in order to really fall in love with them.

2. How did you choose your pet's name?

The only one that comes to mind is Kacee. We got her right after I had worked at camp for a couple of weeks, and the dog there was Casey. Only Mom wanted it to be all girly. Hence, Kacee.

3. What are you considering giving up (cable, home phone)?

Well, I live with friends, have no car, there's no cable here, no home phone, I barely work full time, and my kids are stuck with their dad and grandparents almost 24/7. I really have nothing to give up. Because I have nothing. And don't even talk to me about Taco Bell. Not gonna happen. #guiltypleasure

4. How much do you pay your babysitter?

The few times I've paid for one, usually about $30ish for 3-4 hrs. I probably overpay, but if you had my kids, you would too.

5. How "young" is old enough to babysit?

13. Unless maybe it's for family, and if someone is home across the hall or something, maybe younger. Depends on the sitter's maturity. Emily is almost 12, and she would do just fine for a couple hours I think.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

He's not my dad or my husband.

He's my brother. My best friend. The one I can count on when I need a laugh. (and he never fails to deliver!) He's a great dad, a great husband, and a great Christian. His kids know the importance of God in their lives, and will never fail to feel love from him or their mom.

His name is Jerrod R Nelson. He's almost exactly 7 yrs younger than me. When he was little (1 yr old), I used to flip over the footstool at my Grandparent's house, sit him in it, and push him around the carpet. Cheap entertainment!!

I pretty much consider myself his "second mom" while growing up. Our dad worked overnights, so in the summer, he would be sleeping during the day while I was in charge of Jerrod. Amazingly enough, we never burned the house down. Or got arrested.

He's always had my back. He used to hide my mail in my room before our parents got home and would get mad. (sorry, Mom and Dad!) In return, I accidentally outed him to our mom one day when he skipped class while in college. (You're supposed to tell a sister you're going to do those things!)

And then, one time when he was 3, I turned off the light upstairs, and he walked over the edge of the stairs, falling down the whole flight, and ended up at the bottom unconscious. Paramedics were called, but he ended up being fine. Maybe that's why he's so crazy? :-D

At the 2008 State High School Hockey Tournament. Good times.

We share a love of baseball.

Twins games.....

And Saints games....

Tailgating before the Saints game.

And just like to have fun together.

I've always looked up to him, even though he's younger, (but he *is taller. ba dum BUM.) He's a great example of how someone, not just a dad, should live their life. He and his wife are teaching their kids how to not only be a good Christian, but to be a good person.

He teaches high school for a living. Props to him, because I know I couldn't do that!! I'm sure his students think he's as awesome as he does. He plays the cello and the drums, and plays on two softball teams during the summer. Never a dull moment!

He's always been there for me, even through all the bad decisions I've made in my life. I love him to pieces, and I'm proud to be called his sister.