Welcome to my work in progress. A little rough around the edges, but hopefully will educate as well as provide some relief for those also going through the craziness of daily life with Autism. Hope you enjoy it :o)

Friday, March 30, 2012

5 Question Friday

1. What giveaway would you like to do on your blog?

I don't ever do these, but something that has to do with breastfeeding, or Autism Awareness.

2. If you had to choose between natural artistic ability and natural athletic ability, which would it be?

Athletic!! I'm a born athlete and LOVE sports.
3. Do you ditch the coat the minute it becomes "spring" or are you a holdout for more cool temps?

I barely wear a coat even when it's winter!! Much less spring! :-D (and yes, I live in MN)

4. What would you do if you won the mega millions lotto of 1/2 billion dollars?
Buy a house, a new mini van, get more tattoos, and Twins Season Tickets.

5. You are at a hotel by yourself...what do you do?
SLEEP!!! one can never have enough sleep.

Thursday, March 29, 2012


I haven't seen Jacob but for maybe 2-3 hrs in the past 11 days. The first six I was on vacation, but now, his dad is an asshole, his parents are demons, and I'm the bad guy.

I'm empty.

I have nothing inside of me.

My babies are without their mom.

This sucks.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

be yourself.

This is so hard to teach kids. With the world trying to be like sports figures, singers, actors/actresses, etc...It's difficult to explain to them how you DON'T need to wear something just because someone wants you to.

I grew up with a "friend" that teased me relentlessly for what I wore, what I looked like, who I hung out with, and things I liked. When we went on walks together, or went places with her family, she would make me wear her clothes and put make up on me, so I would look better. Why did I continue to be her friend? Because she was "popular". I figured that if I hung around her, people would like me.

Remind you of a certain movie?

It took me a LONG time to figure out that who I was, was okay. More than okay, even. I finally realized that the reason she picked on me, was because everybody else picked on HER. I never knew that. The funny thing is that I never picked on her. Ever.

I stress to my kids that they just need to be themselves. No matter what anyone else says. I know it's difficult though. Even when you're a grownup.

This is why I don't have issues with what my kids wear.

To bed.

(sister's pajamas)

Or to the store.

(Shield, chest protector, sword, and pink headband.)

Or to the mall.

One thing I'm trying to teach my kids, (all of them, not just the boys) is to not care what others think. Everyone is different. Not everyone will like you. Not everyone will be nice. Whether it's about your hair, your clothes, the music you like, or who you hang out with. But I want them to know that they need to be themselves.

I'm 36 yrs old. I'm starting over. I'm divorced. I just got a job at McDonalds. I don't have a car.
Or a home to live in that's my own. But dammit, I'm ME.

I love baseball.
I have my tongue and belly button pierced.
I have a tattoo.
And intend to get more.
I don't wear make up.
Or dresses.
I'm not shoe obsessed.
Nor do I think Channing Tatum is hot.

I'm funny.
I play softball.
I like animals.
And kids.
I eat.
I watch ESPN.
And Lifetime.
I love ice skating.
And Skee Ball.
And pizza.

Okay, enough about how awesome I am. Let's all teach our kids that no matter what someone looks like, the only thing that matters is who they are. And let's teach them tolerance and respect.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Five Questions, yo.

1. Will you run to the store or to pick up a kid looking a mess?
Sometimes. I'm a single girl, so you never who I'll run into ;-)

2. Do you finish a book if it's boring or you don't like it?
Always. It may get better, and I love reading so much that I don't care.

3. Beach or mountain vacations?
BEACH!!! I love hot weather, sunshine, and laziness.

4. What thing/event says "winter will end and spring is right around the corner" to you?
Spring Training!!! I love baseball. From April to October, I eat, breathe, and sleep baseball. Spring training means that's right around the corner!!!

5. Would you prefer couples or family vacation?
Depends on the destination. I would love to take my kids to Disney World, but would love an adult type vacay as well.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Saturday 9

1. Have you ever had a romantic breakup that was easy?

Not that I can recall. Whether it was by him, or by me, they're never fun.

2. When was the first time that you felt betrayed?

I have no idea, honestly. Probably by a "friend" I had when I was in jr high. She was so mean to me all the time, and talked behind my back a lot.

3. Do you feel religious beliefs should have a role in politics?

I don't follow politics at all. However, I don't think candidates should slam other candidates about what they believe.

4. Are you doing anything special this weekend?

Nope. Hanging with the kids.

5. Oreo cookies turned 100 years old this week. How do YOU eat an Oreo?

Like I eat any other cookie ;-)

6. If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?

My attitude about myself. It's way too negative.

7. Describe a time when you should have tried harder?
High school. I did the bare minimum, and I regret it now.

8. What is your favorite baseball-related movie?

Oh, SO many. Baseball is my sport. I'll have to say Field of Dreams. I also love A League of their Own, Major League, Angels in the Outfield...etc

9. What is one lesson you have learned in the past year?
To just let go and let whatever happens, happen.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

3rd time's the charm?

Once again, we are switching meds for Jacob. Clearly Ritalin isn't for him, as it's turned him into an emotional, aggressive, psychotic mess. So frustrating, and I feel so bad for him, because he cries and cries and can't stop. He knows too. "I....can't...calm...dooooowwwnn!!" Poor boy.

We started him out on 10 mg of Adderall a couple of months ago. It lasted 3 days. I couldn't crush it for him (he can't swallow pills) and when I opened the capsules to mix it in pudding, he gagged on it and threw up.

We switched him to 10 mg of Ritalin twice a day. It worked for awhile, then slowly we started seeing the same behaviors come back.

So, last week we upped him to 20 mg twice a day. That's when he stopped sleeping. Stopped wanting my kisses, and started kicking and throwing EVERYTHING in sight. Even with melatonin, he wasn't going to sleep until midnight, and still getting up at 6:30-7am. Gah! I'm exhausted.

Finally after numerous phone calls to the dr, nurse, teacher, and school nurse, we're starting him on Tenex tonight. I give him 1 mg at bedtime for 3 days, then 1mg in the am AND at pm. That's weird to me, but the nurse said that this med is more for Autism, while Ritalin and Adderall are more for ADHD. (which he does have as well.) However, if we would have started with the Tenex, this may have been resolved months ago.

I really hope this works. I want my sweet boy back.

And I really need some sleep.

Sunday, March 4, 2012


It's funny how autistic kids have such different relationships with people. I guess it's pretty much the same as NT (Neuro-typical) kids. The more they see a certain person, the more they talk to and relate to them.

The bond I have with Jacob is crazy. When we got the Autism diagnosis, the first thing that crossed my mind was, "He'll never want me to hug him". That's the only experience I had had with autistic kids. Jacob is probably one of the most affectionate little boys I've ever seen. He loves to have his back rubbed, hugs, kisses, being picked up and snuggled.....and I love it. Sometimes I'll sit next to him on the couch, and he'll say, "Can you move, Mom? I need my space." Other times, it's like trying to pry an octopus off of my body!!

His dad. Personally, I think some dads don't know how to relate to a kid with special needs, even their own. Jacob's dad gets very impatient, very fast when it comes to Jacob's 'stims' and such. It's frustrating for me to watch, especially when I just want to take over and calm him myself. (Jacob, not dad) They don't do anything together, and I'm at a loss as to what I can do to fix that. Probably nothing.

Siblings....lets' just say he 'gets along' with Nicholas, but there isn't a lot of interaction. They share a room, so when Jacob gets into Nick's Legos, it's like World War 3. He ADORES Emily though. Most of the time she's really good with him. She'll get him a snack, play games with him, etc. I'm glad. She'll make a good mom someday.

Grandparents. The ex-inlaws don't have much to do with my kids, so I imagine when Jacob is around them, he doesn't really have to do with them either. My parents don't see him often, and depending on what's around at the time, he may be too distracted to interact with them either! Sometimes he does ask if Grandma and Wayne can come over, or go to the mall with us ;-)

Cousins. He has three, (okay, four, but he doesn't see the one on his dad's side of the family ever) and likes to play with them, or around them I guess. They certainly love him though! I love hearing Scooter say, "Tina, who likes this?" as he's holding up something from Cars. He's a cutie. He also loves my brother and his wife. He's always asking to go to Jerrod and Lindsey's. Sometimes he leaves out Jerrod though ;-) He likes Lindsey, that's for sure!

My friends. He'll say hi to Amy and Rachel when they come over, but that's about it. He did inform Amy that "we do not say the word stupid, Amy." Ha. Rachel left one day he was sad about it. Maybe he just gets tired of me and wants new faces!!

I guess I can't really sum up what I'm trying to say very well. He doesn't really pay attention to most people, and most people in turn don't pay attention to him. At church he's just kind of "there".

My recent acquisition is a tattoo that I hope speaks volumes. I didn't imagine it to be as big as it is, but I love it.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Five Question Friday

1. Where is your favorite vacation spot and why?
I don't frequent anywhere, but the places I've been to and loved, are Disney World, and Hawaii.

2. What is your biggest guilty pleasure?
Watching the Kardashians!! Ha! I'm also very addicted to Twitter and Pinterest.

3. What is your favorite fashion trend right now? Or, in the past?
I have no idea. I've never been into fashion. My wardrobe consists of Twins shirts, jeans, and sweatshirts.

4. What are your spring break plans?
It's not during SB, but I'm going on a baseball road trip with my dad to AZ. I'm SO excited!!

5. What baby names do you hate?
Gender neutral names that you can't tell the sex of by seeing. Also, names of fruit. Really??