A friend of mine decided that I needed a Tinder account. Tinder. Me. Anxiety girl. A hook up site? At that point I was like, whatever. Go ahead. I've seen some of the profiles and messages on there that she's shown me, and I figured it could be good for a laugh, at least.
An interesting profile and a few cleavage pics later, I was being blasted with messages. Most of them were of the, "Wanna come over and get naked?" type. (Only some were more colorful than that.)
Enter someone we'll call Bob. Bob was cool. On his profile it said he likes Harry Potter and Star Wars. Check and check. We chatted. Exchanged numbers. Chatted some more. He told me that the very first concert he attended was the New Kids on the Block Step by Step tour. It was like a match made in heaven. But alas, things with Bob weren't meant to be.
Fast forward 4 1/2 months later, and I finally checked my Tinder again to see what kind of interesting men are out there. Question. What is with all of the dead fish pics?? Why?? That's not an aphrodisiac.
Let's start with Serial Killer Guy. His eyes frighten me. Like, a lot.
Shirtless selfies? A huge no. This guy has two of them. You know, just in case the one was too close.
This guy had a picture of Brian Dozier on his. If it actually would have said Brian Dozier, I would have swiped right even before it finished loading.
There was "I'm watching you in the shower guy."
A dead fish.
Another shirtless selfie.
I actually thought this guy was cute. Until.....Jefferson Jaguars.
A Yankees fan? 👎🏼
More dead fish.
I felt like this guy may have had potential.
A Twins game.....
Princes's star at First Ave....
Dean is wearing a Vikings jersey, and I was afraid for just a minute that he was into weird acupuncture on the side of his head, until I realized it's most likely a clock that looks like one I have in one of my Sims' houses.
I thought this Negan wannabe was pretty cool, but do I really want to meet up with some rando that has his own Lucille? Bye.
Look, the only reason you should have two pictures of Darth Vader on your page is if your name is James Earl Jones, and your age is 86. Next.
Then I Super Liked this guy when I was trying to screenshot it. Oops.
A headboard? A coffee table? A coaster? We'll never know.
This could be Jaws in disguise. No thank you.
I love this one. Did he smell something as he took the pic? Is he tired of Tinder? Is he a Saints fan and just watched Diggs win it for the Vikes? Whatever the reason, I bet that isn't the ONLY picture of himself that he has. Dude. Make an effort.
Thanks, I'm good. 🙄
I've never been into online dating, and have decided that Tinder is merely for entertainment purposes for me. And not to toot my own horn, but I've never had trouble meeting guys IRL. And to be completely honest, sometimes guys IRL are just as bad as Tinder guys.
ps. I don't accept genital pics, but I *do accept chocolate.