Welcome to my work in progress. A little rough around the edges, but hopefully will educate as well as provide some relief for those also going through the craziness of daily life with Autism. Hope you enjoy it :o)

Saturday, April 21, 2012

single.

Recently (and by 'recently', I mean the past couple years or so) I have had many people say to me, "WHY are you still single? You're funny, attractive, love sports, and outgoing." Of course I agree.

ahem.

But this past week, I got to thinking.....why AM I still single? Do I want to be? Do I not want to be? Am I too picky?

My situation has a lot to do with it. Mainly when I was living with the ex. However, I've had guys who have shown interest in me. I have to say, I usually turn them down. Why? I'm not sure.

Then there are the guys who I show interest in, that turn me down. Mainly because of my kids. I've heard all the reasons. "I want to have my own kids." and "I don't think I can handle Autism." (If you had your own kid with Autism, would you give it up for adoption?)

If you HAD to deal with Autism, you would. I did. I get that people are afraid of it. But it's not catching. And I'm certainly not going to lure you to my house with the idea of watching a movie, and then throw Jacob at you while running away laughing hysterically. I trust very few people with him. And even those I trust can vouch for the fact that I still check up on them throughout their time with him.

It's funny, because I'm not looking for a dad for my kids. They have one of those.

I'm not looking for a husband. I've HAD one of those.

Let me just toot my own horn here and say that I AM fun to be around. And outgoing. And a sports fan. I'm silly. Sometimes loud. (okay, a lot of the time.)

I'm low maintenence. And I like chocolate. And baseball. hint hint.

I like to hang out with my friends and have a good time. That doesn't mean I'm planning the wedding!!!!

Relax, fellas.


That's not to say that I don't enjoy snuggling up on the couch for a few episodes of Smallville. Or whatever. Because I do.

I have had so many people ask me about what I want. Who knows?? And besides that, who cares??? I don't "want" anything right now!!

I feel like I'm getting irritated. Breathe, Tina.......

Anywho, I think I speak for most single moms (and dads) out there when I say that part of why we're not into 'dating' is because we have our routine with our kids, and our lives. Do you think I want someone else coming in and screwing that up? When you're single and have no kids, you can do whatever, whenever. Go to bed at 4am and wake up at 7am for work? Sure! Now? Go to bed at 9:30 and wake up at 7.....still sleepy. Ha.

We also get to spend what we want, when we want, on what we want. Rascal Flatts' new CD is out? I must buy it! I'm craving Taco Bell? Let's drive thru!

Do I want to get married again? Maybe. Maybe not.

If it's in the plan, then this:


will also be part of the plan. Oh yes. Some sort of baseball WILL be a part of the ceremony.

I have to say, not giving someone a chance because of what you *think they want, vs what they actually do want, could possibly be a big mistake. I've made this mistake before. 

And now, after these ramblings, it's time for bed. Good night.

Friday, April 20, 2012

5 Question Friday

1. Groceries are high right now what is easiest way you have found to cut back?
Stop eating. (RIGHT.) Honestly I am trying to eat less, like less snacking. I use coupons too.

2. What are the top 3 things on your "bucket list"?
~Meet Michael Cuddyer, Justin Morneau, Joe Mauer, Danny Valencia.....okay any MN Twin. And yes, Cuddy is a Rockie now, but he's still my fave.
~Take my kids to DisneyWorld.
~Make it to every Major League Baseball stadium in the US. I've been to 20 so far, (mostly old ones) so I need to get moving!

3. Would you rather give up AC or heat?

AC. I HATE being cold. And I live in MN :-/ I rarely even run the AC in the summer anyway.

4. What's your favorite cocktail?

Sex on the Beach. It's fruity and yummy.

5. What was your first job & how old were you?

I started babysitting when I was 12/13, but started working at Target when I was 16. I loved that job. I met a lot of great people that I still talk to now.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

It is what it is.

I know what you're thinking.

"Tina, why on earth are you spending time watching baseball, eating ice cream, and going to dog parks, when you should be focusing on getting your kids back? Don't you love them at ALL??"

Why? Because I need distractions.

I can barely even think about Jacob at this point. It hurts too much. I don't expect people to understand. I know he loves his dad. But he loves me more. When I think about the fact that he's sitting around being ignored by his grandparents day after day, I want to throw up.

My chest hurts.

I can't breathe.

I hyperventilate.

I get choked up and the tears start flowing.

Jacob doesn't understand what's going on. Nicholas and Emily do, but that doesn't make it any easier.

It's also somewhat of a waiting game when it comes to free legal aid in Hennepin County.

This too shall pass.

I know a lot of people don't know what to say when they see me at church. A simple, "I'm thinking of you guys" works. (or that you're praying, but only if you really are.) Sometimes all I need is a hug. And not just at church. I was able to spend time with friends this past weekend, and just sitting with them is comforting.

I'm very grateful that I get to spend time at my brother's house a lot. Scooter and Van offer many distractions, and they're just fun to be around.

I need to be patient.

I need to be strong.

I need to have faith.

It is what it is right now, and I just hope that eventually my kids won't ever doubt that I love them.

This wasn't my choice.


Silly nut. <3

Friday, April 6, 2012

Five Question Friday





1. Would you prefer having people over for dinner or going to their house?

Hmm. I'm more comfortable with my kids being at home (9yr old has Autism) but they are also more entertained when we go elsewhere. I stress a lot though, about what he may be getting into.



2. Favorite Bible verse and why?

I've 'adopted' Jeremiah 29:11 from my brother and sister in law. It was part of their wedding ceremony, and then when my nephew was born 10 weeks early, it was a source of strength for them. Lately I've had to keep reminding myself that God *is always there, and he does know what's in store.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."

I discovered Proverbs 26:11 in high school and liked it immediately. For obvious reasons.

 "As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

I'm not very good at memorizing new ones though.


3. What was the first concert you ever attended, and the most recent one?

I love being a child of the 80s/90s. New Kids on the Block!!! Woot!!! I also went to see them in 2008 when they were here.

My favorite was Jonathan. And then Donnie. I still like Donnie. Ever seen Blue Bloods?? Whoah mama.

My most recent one was Big Time Rush at the MN State Fair last summer. Clearly, I'm all about the boy bands. I took my daughter, and we had an amazing time!!

And yes, I have a favorite. Logan. His dimples are absolutely dreamy.

(I also was able to take her to Taylor Swift last summer, and that one rocked too)

I've also seen Billy Joel, Paul McCartney, Garth Brooks, Reba, Brooks and Dunn, many other country bands, and a million christian bands...Newsboys, DC Talk, Audio Adrenaline...etc.


4. The year is 2025. What are you doing, and what have you done?

I'm 49. My kids will be 26, 24, and 22. (yikes!) I wouldn't mind being a grandma by then. I had #1 when I was 23, so it could happen. I'd like to be finished with school and working in the NICU by then.



5. What's your favorite Easter treat?

Three words: CADBURY. CREME. EGGS. The chocolate. The gooey center. The stickiness of it all. yum.