"Tina, why on earth are you spending time watching baseball, eating ice cream, and going to dog parks, when you should be focusing on getting your kids back? Don't you love them at ALL??"
Why? Because I need distractions.
I can barely even think about Jacob at this point. It hurts too much. I don't expect people to understand. I know he loves his dad. But he loves me more. When I think about the fact that he's sitting around being ignored by his grandparents day after day, I want to throw up.
My chest hurts.
I can't breathe.
I hyperventilate.
I get choked up and the tears start flowing.
Jacob doesn't understand what's going on. Nicholas and Emily do, but that doesn't make it any easier.
It's also somewhat of a waiting game when it comes to free legal aid in Hennepin County.
This too shall pass.
I know a lot of people don't know what to say when they see me at church. A simple, "I'm thinking of you guys" works. (or that you're praying, but only if you really are.) Sometimes all I need is a hug. And not just at church. I was able to spend time with friends this past weekend, and just sitting with them is comforting.
I'm very grateful that I get to spend time at my brother's house a lot. Scooter and Van offer many distractions, and they're just fun to be around.
I need to be patient.
I need to be strong.
I need to have faith.
It is what it is right now, and I just hope that eventually my kids won't ever doubt that I love them.
This wasn't my choice.
Silly nut. <3
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