I don't even know what to call this.

Perusing the Internet, as I do every day, I ran across a link on Buzzfeed or something that really pissed me off. "19 of the ugliest celebrities" or something. Then I saw, "23 Sexiest celebrities with ugly significant others!" and "The Cutest Child Stars that grew up UGLY!!" Seriously?? And people wonder why everyone thinks that they have to be a size two, or tan, or whatever to be pretty?? 

I was curious, so I clicked on the first one and flipped through the pics. Lady Gaga, who I actually happen to think is really pretty. With or without her crazy get ups. (Which is partly why I think she rocks, btw) 

David Schwimmer. Um, really? Ross Gellar?? I'd take him over Joey any day. 

Sarah Jessica Parker. 

The list goes on. Some I haven't even heard of, most of them I don't even care. This is what is wrong with society. You can be the most amazing, outgoing, down to earth girl, but it seems like if you weigh even over 140 pounds, no one will THINK about dating them. I get it, looks do matter somewhat, I'm not gonna lie, but they're not everything. 

Personally, I'm going for sense of humor, likes sports, is a reader, lets me watch reality shows (Dancing With the Starts, anyone?), and is confident enough with themselves to treat me right. 

Teen and even preteen girls think they're fat and ugly. Most of them aren't even done growing into their bodies yet. We need this to stop. We need to teach our girls that it's okay to look how you want to look. People are goin to judge. They're going to whisper. They're going to point. OH WELL. 

I wear a bikini to the pool. I'm not actually sure why. Well, I mean, it's a Twins one, so yeah. I feel self conscious in it for about 30 seconds as I'm walking into the water. Then I hear shouts of, "Mom! Watch this!" and "Mom! Look at me not holding my nose!" and the ever popular, "Mo-om! Jacob's drinking the water again!!" I don't even care what I look like. Last summer, Jacob felt the stretch marks on my stomach and asked what they were. I told him they're my tiger stripes. Because I'm a mom, and he's my tiger cub. He looked at me weird and went back to playing. 

I just get really upset when I hear grown ass adults making fun of others. I grew up getting relentlessly teased by someone I called a "friend". She was the only girl my age that lived in my neighborhood, so what choice did I have? I never stood up for myself. I never did it back though either. It wasn't until we had a class together in high school and I heard people making fun of her "big nose" that I finally realized why she did it to me. She was self conscious of herself. We grew apart before we started high school, because we ran with different crowds. 

Our girls need to learn how to stand up for themselves. I'm not sure how, but we need to teach everyone, not just girls, that's it's okay to look how you look. Screw everyone else. 

Oh, and I was part of the "I need to be tan to be pretty" crowd, and ended up with skin cancer at age 38. White is the new tan!! Embrace it!!! 

Or be like Ross and go to a spray tan booth. Just make sure you count Mississippi-lessly. 

Can't you just?

M"Can't you just focus on the positives?" 

If it were that simple, done. 

Having a chemical brain imbalance sucks. It requires meds. It requires therapy. And it requires a support group of people that have been there and know how it is. It's not being able to get out of bed in the morning. It's staying up too late at night, because you don't want the day to end knowing you'll have to face another day. 

It's walking into church and feeling like EVERYONE is staring at you and judging you. Even though they're not. 

It's knowing that you have a million things that you need to get done, and feeling so overwhelmed that you just can't start any of them. 

Mental illness. Such a stigma. Everything thinks that "if you just did this....", you'd be fine. Is that what people with diabetes is told? "If you just ate less sugar....." 

The body doesn't work that way, unfortunately. With diabetes, seizures, mental stuff, Autism, etc. There is no, "Can't you just" when it comes to things we can't control. 

In my experience, even meds, therapy, and any other method I try doesn't completely work. I've been on a new med for about 4-5 weeks now. In the past couple weeks I've noticed that it's getting worse before it gets better. Dr said that might happen. Wasn't totally prepared for it though. Giving it time to kick in is all I can do. That and not replying when I get a text from GS. 

On a totally unrelated topic..........

TOMORROW. 

My baby is 12.

Times flies. Especially when you're a parent. One second your third child is a newborn, middle is 2 1/2, and your oldest is 4. Next thing you know, oldest is 16 and taking drivers ed, middle is talking about turning 15, and youngest is turning 12. 

Jacob, a month old

I labored with him all day. Woke up to contractions, and by the time my mom came over and (then) hubby got home, it was 8pm, and time to go to the hospital. We weren't there for long when I had to push him out. He came out blue and not breathing. Turns out his cord came out before he did, and he squashed it, which cut off his oxygen supply and he needed to be resuscitated. That was so scary. But God was watching over us, it seems. 

Bubby weighed 7lbs 15oz. He was a champion nurser. Only lost 1 or 2 ounces before we went home. At his one week check up he was up to 9 pounds!! Little piggie!! 

4 months old

I love his big bald head. 

7 months old, working on a cracker. 

I just can't believe he's growing up so fast. 

4 yrs old

Now. He's taller than I am. Only by an inch or so though!! And I miss them SO MUCH when they're not with me.