I don't think there are many things I hate more than anxiety. Well, maybe cottage cheese. And onions. And mice. DEFINITELY clowns. But for sure I can tell you that I HATE anxiety. I hate what it does to my mind. And my stomach.
It cripples me. It makes me create scenarios in my head that aren't there, and THAT stresses me out.
It's like....walking into a crowded room, and having everyone turn to look at you, and then start whispering to each other behind their hands. That's never happened, probably never will, but it MIGHT.
When I started school three years ago, I almost didn't go the first day. I sat in my car forever trying to muster up the courage. I did go, but in the end I failed. Maybe I didn't *fail, but I've taken many a quarter off here and there, and now don't even want to go back.
It's wishing that you had a "best friend". Someone to do everything with, confide in. Someone who won't judge you, and say, "I'm here for you".
It's not wanting to get close to anyone, because everyone you've ever gotten close to, leaves. Maybe they come back, but it's not the same. It's different. Sometimes different can be good. Most of the time, it's not. So you keep them at arm's length. Because if they *do leave, it won't hurt as much.
It's sitting in the living room at night and wondering why your friends even hang out with you because you're so messed up in the head.
It just gets worse as I get older. I hate it.