This post probably isn't about Autism at all. If it is, it'll be a tiny bit. Maybe.
Why are relationships so difficult?
Do we make them that way, or is it just natural?
I think our past dating experiences sometimes make it difficult to be completely open with someone new. For me it does. I'm so nervous about saying the wrong thing, dressing the wrong way, watching the wrong shows.....etc.
I've had a couple major past relationships. In both of them I didn't feel like I could 100% be myself. I always felt like I had to act a certain way, or dress a certain way to please them, not me.
I'm currently in a relationship that I should be 100% happy in because I *don't feel that way. Yet somehow I keep trying to subconciously sabotage it. Like I'm expecting it to fail, because my past ones did. Stupid, huh?
I also grew up lying about stuff to anyone and everyone. Little things. I've even found myself hiding stuff recently, because I'm afraid of how someone will react. Hello, 37 yr old, we're not in High School anymore. Man up.
It's frustrating me, and it's frustrating him. It's like I say stuff to try and start a fight, but I don't really WANT a fight, yet I say it anyways.
I've never had someone care for me this much. It's scary, to be honest. But at the same time, it's awesome. I need to let go and let things happen.
I'm asking this of my friends: Help keep me accountable. It's a bad habit that I'm trying to break. If I can be open and let my guard down and know that I'm worth it, it'll be good for everyone involved. Thank you
Sunday, December 2, 2012
I have no lead in to this. I'm crabby, on the rag, tired, and start a new quarter of school tomorrow.
1. What do you give teachers for gifts?
I think the last time I gave teachers gifts was.....2 yrs ago?? Yeesh. I suck at teacher gifts. I give bookstore gift cards.
2. Do you text? One finger texter or total pro?
Pro. Once I started getting phones with a full keyboard, I blew everyone out of the water. My boyfriend is impressed. It kills me to watch him text. He's not a one finger, but he's slow. Sorry, babe ;-) Heh.
3. Do you give back during the holidays? If so, in what way/which is your favorite charity?
I barely even have enough for myself, much less others. BUT, I always make sure that my kids put change into the red buckets when we walk by them.
4. If you would've been the sole winner of the 575+ million dollar Powerball jackpot, what would you have done with all that money?
Hoo boy. Well, for starters, a house. A ginormous six bedroom house. One for me, one for each kid, a scrapbook room, a game room, a baseball room, a girly room, and a sensory room. Okay, I guess that's nine. Whatever. A van. Loaded with everything. Twins season tickets. GOOD seats. A new laptop. Clothes. Stuff like that. I'd also take friends and family shopping. Donate a ton to Autism.
5. Will you please take just a moment to spread the word and pray about my friend's missing family members? There still is no news, and I can't imagine their pain and worry. Facebook prayer page: Prayers for Trista, Shy and Matt
I'll do what I can!