Attitude change.

I feel good today. Apparently a night's sleep will do that. I didn't say a GOOD night's sleep. Just....sleep. I wake up all the time. I'm out of Trazodone, and melatonin just doesn't seem to keep me asleep. Anyway.

Jim and I were talking last night, and he goes, "We should run some races this summer." .... Um, I'm sorry? "we" should "run"? Huh. Somehow I don't think those words belong in the same sentence. Heh. So I was looking online today, and remembered that Katie Brady Sherry had posted something about the Electric Run. I looked it up, and MAN! That looks awesome! Glow crap is right up my alley! The kids and I get all decked out for the 4th when we go see fireworks. So I think I have him talked into that one. We're joining my cousin Lauren's team. We'll see how well this works. "Um, guys? Maybe put the camera down so you can run?" Hahahahaha. Sure.

I'll be stocking up on these as well:



Planning for Jacob's birthday party is in the works. Angry Birds cake, Chuck E Cheese, some friends...10 yrs old is a big deal!

Tiny Bubby.


I'm SO EXCITED for baseball to start!!



I don't have tickets for the opener, but you can bet I'll be getting some for later that week!!! I kind of have to. Because this guy:



is probably having Tina withdrawals. I mean, I'm jussayin.

And now, I'm off. To do what? I have no idea. Probably something involving Angry Birds and tiny minons. Peace out, homies. Unagi.

random thoughts.

My heart is so heavy tonight. I hate dropping the kids off, but I hate it even more when the grandparents are there. They don't actually WANT to spend time with the kids, they do it because they have to. He has no choice. I don't get why he doesn't work when they are with me. Maybe it's not possible, I don't know, but it sucks.

School is definitely taking a major backseat to other things right now. Maybe it shouldn't, but with work and kids, and trying to find an apt, I really think that those things are currently more important. School will always be there. My kids are only this age once, and need me right now. Finals are this week, and I'm pretty sure I won't pass either class. We'll see about A&P, but I know I'm going to bomb Algebra. That's why I'm going to take it again and kick ass.

I was so sad when Emily said that her dad hid her stuff. Where does he get off thinking that that's okay?!? Yes, she's 12. Does she NEED to sleep with a 'blankie'? Maybe not. However, with the crap that she's being put through right now, I hardly think that her snuggling with a blankie at night is cause for concern. I'm so tired of the anger, bitterness, and control that I'm continuing to deal with from him. ...deep breath...

My heart goes out to my aunt and uncle. My uncle just went on Hospice. Cancer. I hated it before, but I REALLY hate it now. Just when I have a pity party about my life, I realize I could have it MUCH worse.

The Twins are two games into Spring Training, and have lost them both. Good thing those don't count!

I made Lexi cry tonight. Put her on the couch with Jerrod so I could go get ready for bed. That wasn't pretty. #guilttrip

I'm hungry and craving pasta in a bad way. Perhaps I should make spaghetti one of these days.

Thus ends my stream of conciousness for now. Maybe I'll have more tomorrow. If you're lucky.

Goodbye, 2012.

Yet another year of emotional roller coasters. I can't remember the last time I have lived somewhere for at least a consecutive year. I have moved so many times lately it's ridiculous.

Anyway, the year started off normally. (whatever 'normal' is for us.) Went on vacation to Arizona with my dad in March.

The Hospital where I was born.

In the visitors dugout at Chase Field!! Home of the Diamondbacks!!

Came back, and was kicked out. We won't relive that, but the next few (okay, 6-7) months were complete hell. Again, no reliving needed, but just thinking about it makes me sad.

I know things happen for a reason. If I hadn't been kicked out in March, I probably wouldn't have had a chance to get in so many hours at work right away. I also wouldn't have developed the relationshp I have now. (Who, by the way, is the total opposite of my ex in every way. WHEW.)

I went to many Twins games.

And had random fun with the minons. All six of them.

I also started school again. It's going well. Even in math!!

I'm hoping that 2013 is better. Starting off a little rough, what with having to find a new place to love AGAIN, but I'm sure it'll all work out.

FINALLY. A night with the minions.

They were overjoyed when I picked them up. (So was I.) LOTS of hugging and kisses and screams :-) We hit the mall first, and I had Nick and Emily think about whether they wanted to go to Youth Group or not.

Hi Dora!

Emily is giving Dora an uppercut to the chin.

Mmmmm...onion rings at Burger King.

I'm the Cat in the Hat!!

Adjusting his crown.

King Jacob.

Vogue.

In a tunnel in the Disney Store.

He is hilarious. He was up there touching the tv, so I dragged him back and said he needed to sit in a chair to watch the show. What did he do? Scooted the chair up to the tv, without even getting up. Turkey.

And this is when I decided he should move back. Again.

After the Mall we dropped off the bigs at church. Nicholas was actually a little hesitant about it, while Emily was excited. Total opposite of what I figured. Jakey and I headed to Toys R Us and then Target, where we had a snack.

"I'm far away from you, Mom!"

CHEESE!!!

And before you get on my case about having two other children to take pics of, let me remind you that this one has no idea what's going on. He's my Bubby. I'll get pics of the other two tomorrow. We'll be coming back here to hang out, and I'm sure that Emily will not put Ace down once he lets her hold him :o)

5 QF

brought to you by

1. What is your favorite fall family tradition?

Going to pumpkin/apple places, and out for Halloween

2. If money weren't an issue, how many kids would you have?

Probably just the three. It's more of a sanity/autism/my tubes are tied issue....

3. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be and where would you put it?

I have two already, but the next one is going to have my kids' names in it somehow.

4. What condiment is a must in your house?

Ketchup. And ranch dressing.

5. How did your spouse/fiance propose?

He didn't. I got pregnant, and then we did the whole "maybe we should get married."

We're now divorced with 3 kids, and he won't let me see them. Don't do what I did. Not worth it.

Ramblings.

It's official. It's now been 3 weeks since I have seen, talked to, and squished my baby boy.

I feel so stuck on where to go and what to do next. I'm going downtown on Monday to try and figure SOMETHING out. This is crazy. There is no way I would ever keep the kids from seeing their dad, no matter what my feelings were towards him.

I know it might seem like I'm doing nothing, but between work and not knowing what to do, honestly some days I can't even think about it. It drains me. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I miss my baby. The only one that looks remotely like me, because of the brown eyes.

Someday we'll get this figured out, Bubby, and neither of us will feel so alone <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wanted you more
than you ever will know
so I sent love to follow
wherever you go


It's high as you wish it.
It's quick as an elf.
You'll never outgrow it...
it stretches itself!


So climb any mountain...
climb up to the sky!
My love will find you.
My love can fly!


Make a big splash!
Go out on a limb!
My love will find you.
My love can swim!


It never gets lost,
never fades, never ends.
If you're working, or playing
or sitting with friends.


You can dance 'til you're dizzy
paint 'til you're blue.
There's no place, not one,
that my love can't find you.


And if someday you're lonely,
or someday you're sad,
or you strike out at baseball,
or think you've been bad...


Just lift up your face,
feel the wind in your hair.
That's me, my sweet baby,
my love is right there.


In the green of the grass...
in the smell of the sea...
in the clouds floating by...
at the top of a tree...


in the sound crickets make
at the end of the day...
"You are loved. You are loved.
You are loved," they all say.


My love is so high,


and so wide and so deep,
it's always right there,
even when you're asleep.


So hold your head high
and don't be afraid
to march to the front
of your own parade.


If you're still my small babe
or you're all the way grown,
my promise to you is
you're never alone.


You are my angel, my darling, my star...
and my love will find you, wherever you are.

Garlic Chicken Roll Ups

SO delicious. I'm always wary of trying something new, but these were worth it.

First, pound your chicken flat. (That was fun. Good anger release. Pretend it's the face of someone you dislike.) I covered it with wax paper after it started spattering my Valencia tshirt.

Then, dip one side in melted butter, and then in bread crumbs mixed with parmesan cheese.

Lay the bread crumb side face down on a greased pan, and smear garlic cream cheese on it.

Roll up the chicken boob and secure it with a toothpick.

Bake at 350 for 40 minutes. Yum.

Devour. And have some fresh raw veggies from your mom's garden.

And then when you're done, go get a Reece's Flurry from McDonald's. Because obviously you're a piggie. [oink oink]